The One Who Started It All

Ted Reback

11-02-2002

The Core Stacking Boys

Core Shear

Howard Oshida

Jesse and Karen

Larry and Kevin

Harold Robins

Carol at Chukchansi Casino

Big John Ortiz

Ray Mahan ang Dooly

John Castro

Dee Dee and Rambo

Joe Ross and Andre Giaramita

Last Supper

Izzy Shanchez - Wood Shop

Shot Blast

Danny Dore

Coil

Chris Mathews 

Bettencourt - Coil Winder

Manual

Saverio Mattia

I just celebrated my 30-year wedding anniversary in Lake Tahoe. I stopped in Manteca to visit Rambo on my way home. His stroke has robbed him of his quality of life but overall, doing well.

Love to all,

~ Dee Dee 

Freddie Bonds

Virginia Mahlke

Dave Cook and Monte Massey

Just for Fun

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time when a Window was just a squar hole in a room.

When an Application was filled out for a job.

When a Keyboard was on a piano and orgen.

When a Mouse was just a little creature running around in the house.

When a Flu was an important document.

When a Hard Drive was just an uncomfortable road trip.

When Cut was done with a knife.

When Paste was done with glue.

When the Web was a spiders home.

When Virus was the flu.

And, when Apple and Blackberry was just  fruits.

Thats when we had a lot more time for family and friends and kids playing outside.

Oh how I miss those times.

        God Will Help Me

This elderly man is in his house during a flood.

A boat comes by and the Captain says; "grab my hand and and jump in the boat".

The old man replyed  "God will save me".

The old man goes upstairs as the water is much higher.

A bigger boat comes by and the Captain says " grab my hand and jump in the boat.

The old man replyed " God will save me".

The old man is now on the roof as the water is much higher.

A helicopter comes by and the pilot yelled " grab the rope and we will pull you up.

The old man replyed" God will save me".

The water got so high, the old man drowned.

He went Heaven and while there ask God; "why did you let me drown? Why did't you save me?

God replyed, " I sent you two boats and a helicopter!

I bought a new truck. It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E8. I had to go back to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. ”Nelson,” the technician said to the radio.The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie,”Willie” he continued, and “On The Road Again” flowed from the speakers.

Then he said, “Ray Charles,” and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away so happy, and for the next few days every time I'd say, “Beethoven” I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles” I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Well, yesterday, this woman ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new truck, but luckily I swerved in time to avoid her. I yelled at her, “Crazy Bitch!”The radio replied,

“Hillary, Maxine, Kamala, Warren, Ocasio, or Pelosi?” GOD, I love this truck!

An old Native American man has a need to borrow $500, so he goes to his local bank and asks to speak with the Loans Officer.

The banker welcomes him and then says a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

“So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

“Buy silver, make jewellery, then sell it,” the man responded.

“And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

“Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

“Well that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?“

“Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?“

“Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

“How old is it?” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while but eventually, the banker decided to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

“Business has been good I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?“

“Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

“Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank,” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

“Well, you just put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk, looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?“

Mary, an attractive lady of 85, was marrying for the fourth time.

Naturally, this was a human-interest story and the local newspaper decided to send a reporter to interview Mary.

The reporter sat with Mary and asked, “Could you tell me about your husbands and how they earned their living?”

Mary smiled and said, “Well, my first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now at 85, I’m marrying a funeral director.”

“Wow,” said the reporter, they’ve all had such diverse careers.”

“Yes,” said Mary, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go. “

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.   As she bent over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farted.  Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere nearby.  As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking as well.  Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's, he politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, "Madam. if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price." 

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.  They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.  He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.  However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.  She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.  How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady!  I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight round, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' The burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

 

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy: “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight,” the boy replied.

The man continued: “Do you know what these are used for?”

The boy replied: “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s, my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.”

 

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So, she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says. "HEBREWS"

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.

The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant ass’s back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy."

FAMILY:  Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The  94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts  up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to  her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.' 

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."

Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto decided they were going to go camping, so they packed their gear and saddled up their horses and off they went. After a long days ride it was getting close to dark and the Lone Ranger said, “Tonto we have to find a place to camp”. “Ok Kemo Sabe me find place soon”.  They ride a little farther and Tonto finds this scenic place to to set-up camp.

 

“Kemo Sabe this fine place to pitch tent, many stars at night”. “Ok Tonto lets get to work”. So they hop to it and pitch their tent and build a campfire.

They sit around the campfire and eat, drink coffee and talk about old time. As they sit and enjoy each other’s company Lone Ranger notices it getting late: ‘Tonto we should turn in it’s getting late and we need an early start”. “Ok Kemo Sabe me put fire out.

So they both retire into the tent for a good nights sleep. Some time during the night Tonto wakes up and nudges the Lone Ranger “Kemo Sabe tell me what do you see in sky and tell me what means to you”.

“Well Tonto, I see a panoramic sky full of stunning stars. They look like diamonds sparkling in the heavens. It’s a brilliance you just can’t explain”.  “Tell me Tonto what do you see and what does it mean to you”. Tonto thinks for a minute and says, “Kemo Sabe you dumb as buffalo shit, someone steal tent”,

Oil Change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when t he mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:

$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========

Oil Change instructions for Men :

  1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00..

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine..

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail..

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Can You Hear Me Now